Secret Files of #Deep13: PEZ

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2004 Introduction:

In 1999, former #Deep13 regulars BobIshmael and DarkonZero invented and perfected one of the channel's trademark forms of idiot-bashing: the PEZing. Only twice has it ever been manuevered succesfully, both times with Bob and DZ prominently involved. So just what is a PEZing, anyhow? It's pretty simple, reallytwo regulars constantly interrogate Idiot X as to the whereabouts of their PEZ, going so far as to ask them to open up their computer case to look for it. In order for it to work, the idiot has to be clueless as to what PEZ is supposed to be. The logs of the two aforementioned PEZings have been uncovered recently and are now located here at the site. This is the first, and was archived at BobIshmael's homepage for quite some time, until the site was eventually taken down. Luckily, the Internet Archive Wayback Machine was able to cache Bob's old site, and I used that as the source for uncovering this log. Included is Bob's commentary from the original web page. Feel free to use this as a reference point with your own PEZing endeavors. Enjoy!

- RobertoKay

Session Start: Sat May 22 04:09:47 1999
*** Now talking in #stargate
*** Topic is '(No topic set)'
<BobIshmael> Where's my PEZ?
<Thor> wat??
<BobIshmael> My PEZ!
<Thor> i dun understand
<BobIshmael> P-E-Z!
<Thor> wtas a pez
<BobIshmael> PEZ! What did you do with it?
*** sniperman187 (sniperman187@209.105.147.76) has joined #StarGate
*** DarkonZero (DarkonZero@206.97.53.30) has joined #StarGate
* sniperman187 .:][v][iOnline:.
* sniperman187 )-(s ߌ l{il{ iN StarGate UiG ][-][ r ][^][ Ri Gii )v(iRNj .:*V3.5*:.
<Thor> huh
<Thor> wats that
<BobIshmael> Ooh, 31337 script.
<BobIshmael> Impressive.
<DarkonZero> Hmmmmm.....where did my PEZ go?
<BobIshmael> HE TOOK IT!
<DarkonZero> GET 'IM!
<Thor> wats u toking abt
<BobIshmael> PEZ, damn you! Give it back!
<Thor> how??
<DarkonZero> MY PEZ....HIS PEZ!
<BobIshmael> Our PEZ!
<DarkonZero> WE WANT OUR PEZ!
<Thor> wats that
<DarkonZero> PEZ.....YOU KNOW!
<Thor> how did u take it
<BobIshmael> Don't play dumb. You saw our PEZ and took it.
<DarkonZero> YOU TOOK IT!
<DarkonZero> GIVE IT BACK!
<Thor> i dunno wats a pez damit
*** Dawnmyst (ddragon@206.27.111.63) has joined #StarGate
<BobIshmael> sniperman, he took our PEZ!
<sniperman187> *?????Welcome Back*????? Dawnmyst To StarGate
<sniperman187> Oh well
<Dawnmyst> thank you sniper
<BobIshmael> Tell him to give it back.
<DarkonZero> WE WANT OUR PEZ!
<BobIshmael> Right now!
<Thor> how did i take it
<DarkonZero> Yes.....NOW!
<DarkonZero> YOU CAME IN OUR ROOM A TOOK IT!
<BobIshmael> We take kindly to PEZ thiefs.
<Thor> how did i take it
<BobIshmael> You took it and left!
<Thor> how?????????
<DarkonZero> You know what you did......quit with the stupidity!
<Thor> i dun get it
<BobIshmael> Alright, enough of this. Give it back!
<DarkonZero> Yeah.....we need the PEZ.
<BobIshmael> I'm waiting.
<BobIshmael> WE'RE waiting.
<Thor> i dunno wta the fk a PEZ IS
<BobIshmael> My patience is wearing thin!
<DarkonZero> Yup.....where is it?
<DarkonZero> As is mine.
<Thor> wats a PEZ/???
<Thor> how do i give it back
<DarkonZero> You know what it is......
<Thor> i dun !!!!!!
<DarkonZero> Yes you do!
<BobIshmael> Unless you want us to notify the SciFi server operator, I suggest you give it back NOW!
<Thor> sniper tell them i dun know wat it is
<DarkonZero> Yeah......
<DarkonZero> You do.....
<Thor> i dun dmamt
<Thor> explain
<Dawnmyst> WHAT THE HELL IS A PEZ?
<DarkonZero> Apparently speeling is something you don't know either.
<BobIshmael> i speel god damnt
<BobIshmael> But, fun is fun...
<BobIshmael> I want my PEZ back!
<BobIshmael> NOW!
<Thor> how do i give it back
<Thor> u can take it if u wan
<DarkonZero> You know how!
<Thor> i dunno wat the hell it is
<BobIshmael> We don't know where you put it!
<Thor> u ca ask sniper
<Thor> im still  newbie
<BobIshmael> sniper, do YOU know where Thor put our PEZ?
<sniperman187> I don't know what's going on
<Thor> tell them i dunno wat a PEZ IS
<BobIshmael> You got your nifty script, find our PEZ!
<DarkonZero> Hmmmm......it seems they're in on it!
<BobIshmael> I don't like this web of conspiracy you've woven, Thor!
Session Close: Sat May 22 04:19:53 1999

(We were kicked at this point)

Session Start: Sat May 22 04:23:17 1999
*** Now talking in #stargate
*** Topic is '(No topic set)'
<Thor> they i say i took it
<BobIshmael> YOU DID!
<Thor> serch me then
<BobIshmael> I've had enough of your lies.
*** DarkonZero (DarkonZero@206.97.53.30) has joined #StarGate
<BobIshmael> No, thanks..
<Thor> wat script
<BobIshmael> I'd rather you just give it to me. It's easier.
<Thor> how??
<DarkonZero> Hmmmmm.....yeah.
<BobIshmael> Okay..
<BobIshmael> Where did you put it?
<Thor> i reallie dun know wat a PEZ IS
<DarkonZero> He's doin' it again Bob......playin' dumb.
<Thor> im not
<BobIshmael> If you don't know, then why did you take it from us in the first plae?
<BobIshmael> Place, even.
<Thor> how did i do that
<DarkonZero> You know how.....
<BobIshmael> You came into our channel, took it, and left!
<Thor> i came to see who was inside then left
<Thor> ask sniper i dunno wat a PEZ IS
<DarkonZero> And took it!
<BobIshmael> And you took it while you were in there!
<Thor> maybe u got the wrong perosn
<BobIshmael> I highly doubt that.
<BobIshmael> You're the only Thor on this server.
<BobIshmael> You are also the only PEZ THIEF!
<sniperman187> Maybe so
<DarkonZero> WHERE IS THE PEZ!?!
<sniperman187> He doesn't know what pez is
<BobIshmael> He could easily be lying to us.. And to you two.
<Thor> NO IM NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
<DarkonZero> How do we know?
<Thor> wat does  PEZ DO
<DarkonZero> You coulda given them the PEZ!
<BobIshmael> If you don't know, why did you take it?!
<Thor> i didnt
<DarkonZero> You did.....admit it!
<BobIshmael> We saw you!
<Thor> ok how did i take it
<BobIshmael> We've already told you.
<Thor> how???
<BobIshmael> Just give it back, and we'll leave.
<Thor> i reallie dun know wat a PEZ IS
<Thor> i swear
<DarkonZero> He's using evasion tactics.....we must get 'im!
<Thor> shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<Thor> i duno wat the hell u two toking abtr
<DarkonZero> The PEZ is needed...so give it back.
<Thor> how do u wan to be conbinced that i didnt take it
<DarkonZero> By giving it back.
<BobIshmael> Yes.
<Thor> k how did i take it in the first place
* BobIshmael sighs.
<DarkonZero> You know!
<BobIshmael> We've explained this, and you already know.
<Thor> k lets go abck there
<Thor> back
<Thor> u cancheck if u wan
<DarkonZero> Should we Bob?
<BobIshmael> It won't matter much without the PEZ.
<Thor> i dodnt take nothing
<BobIshmael> I suppose.
<DarkonZero> Let's go back.....and check.
<Thor> k
<BobIshmael> We'll prove it to you.
<BobIshmael> Well?
<Thor> but i tell i took nothing
<DarkonZero> We're waiting.
<Thor> maybe i took it by mistake
<BobIshmael> Maybe.
*** Thor (Thor@203.116.121.46) has left #stargate
<DarkonZero> Let's go.....
<sniperman187> Who's still here?
<BobIshmael> Absolutely no one.
<sniperman187> Okay
<sniperman187> dialu/whois amon ra
<sniperman187> Damn
<sniperman187> THIS ROOM IS RIGGED TO BLOW
<sniperman187> BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!
<BobIshmael> Scary.
<DarkonZero> Ooh...I neearly died.
<sniperman187> Thor give your Pez back yet?
<DarkonZero> Nope.....
* Dawnmyst still wants to know what a pez is
<sniperman187> hmm
<Dawnmyst> seriously
<DarkonZero> We can't say.....it's ours!
<BobIshmael> We're talking to him now...
<BobIshmael> We'll show you once we get it back.
<DarkonZero> If we do........
* Dawnmyst thinks this is just some stupid kids game and she's leaving
*** Dawnmyst (ddragon@206.27.111.63) has left #stargate
*** sniperman187 (sniperman187@209.105.147.76) has left #stargate
Session Close: Sat May 22 04:51:03 1999

Meanwhile, in a private message...

Session Start: Sat May 22 04:59:56 1999
Session Ident: sniperman187 (sniperman187@209.105.147.76)
<sniperman187> FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ
<sniperman187> FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ FORGET ABOUT THE FUCKIN PEZ

(This was repeated several times, in some vain attempt to annoy me.)

<BobIshmael> Don't flood yourself off next time.
Session Close: Sat May 22 05:01:51 1999

Back in the Batcave- Err, #Deep13...

*** Thor (Thor@203.116.121.46) has joined #deep13
<BobIshmael> Look! The PEZ was right here! You came in, and took it!
<Thor> where
<DarkonZero> Right there!
<Thor> i onli have java
<DarkonZero> It was right there........
<BobIshmael> SEE! THAT PROVES IT!
<Thor> i cant see nothing
<BobIshmael> Okay...
<BobIshmael> Maybe you accidently came in and took it.
<DarkonZero> He's evading us again......
<BobIshmael> No, I'll give him the benfit of the doubt.
<DarkonZero> Hey he's takin' more!
<BobIshmael> STOP IT!
<DarkonZero> HEY!
<BobIshmael> THAT'S THE ONLY PEZ WE HAVE LEFT!!!
<Thor> im not taking anithnig!!!!!!
<BobIshmael> Thor..
<DarkonZero> Yes you are!
<Thor> maybe im being setup!!!!!!!!
<BobIshmael> OKay, look in your temp directory.
<Thor> how
<BobIshmael> You'll see it there.
<BobIshmael> Open the BLT Shift.
<BobIshmael> Okay?
<DarkonZero> If it's not there....he amybe hiding it.
<DarkonZero> Maybe.....I mean.
<BobIshmael> Maybe, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
<Thor> press BLT
<DarkonZero> Ok....let's wait.
<BobIshmael> No...
<DarkonZero> CLT.....
<Thor> ctrl?
<BobIshmael> The BLT Shift is next to your <XMP> in your C: drive.
<BobIshmael> Okay?
<BobIshmael> Find the BLT Shift, check the temp directory, look for PEZ.
<DarkonZero> Yeah.....that should do it.
<BobIshmael> The PEZ will be there.
<BobIshmael> Then, you can send it back to us.
<Thor> u mean in the category "computer"
<Thor> where the drives r
<BobIshmael> No, it's next to you <XMP>
<BobIshmael> Your, I mean.
<Thor> wats thta
<Thor> that
<DarkonZero> It should be there.....
<Thor> press CLT U EMAN
<Thor> u mean
<BobIshmael> No, no.
<BobIshmael> Check your C: drive.
<Thor> in computer?
<Thor> k wait
<BobIshmael> Yes, inside.
<DarkonZero> You may need to open the casing to do this.....
<Thor> u mena on "my computer"
<BobIshmael> Let's start from the beginning.
<BobIshmael> Do you have a screwdriver?
<Thor> yes y
<BobIshmael> What kind of computer do you have?
<Thor> philips
<BobIshmael> A phillips computer?
<Thor> yea
<BobIshmael> OKay, this will be easy then.
<BobIshmael> I thought you had something else.
<BobIshmael> Okay, look on the back of your computer.. Do you see a grill?
<Thor> wat grill
<BobIshmael> It should be gray.. Or white.
<BobIshmael> Do you see it?
<BobIshmael> On the BACK of your computer.
<Thor> monitor screen?
<BobIshmael> Phillips stopped putting them the monitor in '87.
<Thor> where isit then
<BobIshmael> Look on the back of your main CPU.
<Thor> yes
<DarkonZero> And build up some electricity.
<Thor> i seegrey
<BobIshmael> It's grey, right?
<Thor> ya
<BobIshmael> Do you have a desktop CPU or a minitower?
<Thor> no
<Thor> its grey and has a key
<BobIshmael> Okay, that's perfect.
<DarkonZero> That might get it!
<Thor> u mean open it??
<BobIshmael> Just the grill.
<Thor> thr grey thing
<BobIshmael> Yes.
<Thor> hah!!
<Thor> i might get shocked or something
<Thor> from there wat do i do
<BobIshmael> The grill has no power through it.
<BobIshmael> From there you look on the main 32bit bus...
<BobIshmael> You'll see about three marks.
<Thor> open the CPU u mean
<Thor> ello
<BobIshmael> No, open the grill and look in.
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*** Thor has quit IRC ((signed off))
*** Thor (Thor@203.116.121.46) has joined #Deep13
<Thor> flooded out
<BobIshmael> Bummer.
<BobIshmael> We thought you were trying to run off with our PEZ..
<BobIshmael> Please don't do that.
<Thor> no
<BobIshmael> Anyway...
<Thor> that proves im innocent
<BobIshmael> No, open the grill and look in.
<BobIshmael> Maybe.
<Thor> arrrrrrrgh
<Thor> then?
<BobIshmael> You may still have accidently taken it though.
<Thor> how do i find it
<BobIshmael> You'll see a small electronic 'card.'
<Thor> then
<BobIshmael> On that 'card' (the 32bit BUS) you'll see three small lines.
<BobIshmael> Do you see them?
<Thor> wait
<BobIshmael> Okay.
<Thor> how do i open it
<BobIshmael> The grill?
<Thor> ya
<Thor> grey thing
<BobIshmael> There SHOULD be some screws.
<Thor> u mean open that thing??!!
<BobIshmael> Don't worry, you're just going to look in.
<Thor> k
<BobIshmael> Are you ready?
<BobIshmael> Thor?
<DarkonZero> Hey....Thor.....
<BobIshmael> Thor, are you there?
<DarkonZero> He's maybe hidin' the PEZ.
<BobIshmael> HE BETTER NOT BE!
<BobIshmael> THOR!
<DarkonZero> THOR!
-> -thor- Thor, are you there?
<Thor> wait
<BobIshmael> Okay.
<Thor> how can i take something and it be found in there
* DarkonZero shakes his head.
<BobIshmael> It's not ACTUALLY there, there will just be three lines.
<Thor> then
<BobIshmael> Did you see the lines?
<Thor> u guys pulling a fast one on me
* BobIshmael sighs.
<BobIshmael> We're trying to prove that you took it.
<Thor> i dun believe
<BobIshmael> WE CAN PROVE THIS. Just look.
<DarkonZero> LOOK DAMMIT!
<Thor> k lets sya i took something from u both
<Thor> accidentally
<BobIshmael> Right.
<Thor> i have checked and there is nothing
<BobIshmael> Nothing at all?
<Thor> yup
<BobIshmael> Are you sure you have a Phillips computer?
<Thor> yup
<Thor> so???
<BobIshmael> Do you know which model number you have?
<Thor> correction - i have a Philips monitor and some other brandname for the CPU
<BobIshmael> OH!
<BobIshmael> THAT'S WHY!
<BobIshmael> Do you know what kind of CPU you have?
<Thor> that's why what?
<BobIshmael> That's why there wasn' anything behind the grill.
<BobIshmael> Phillips made old 486s with the BUS behind the grill.
<BobIshmael> No newer computer are like that.
<BobIshmael> Do you know what brand CPU you have?
<Thor> Uu guys r talking rubbish!!
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*** Locdog07 sets mode: +o Locdog07
<BobIshmael> No we're not.
<DarkonZero> WE ARE NOT!
<Locdog07> Yes we are.
-> *Locdog07* Loc...
<Thor> IM NOT ONE TO BE FOOLED!!
<BobIshmael> Thor, we are not joking with you.
<Locdog07> What is this?
<DarkonZero> Seriously.....
<Thor> happy hunting behind the grill
*** Thor (Thor@203.116.121.46) has left #Deep13

The End.. Or Is It?

No, it isn't. Two days later...

*** Warmachine (Warmachine@203.116.122.114) has joined #Deep13
<Warmachine> hi
<BobIshmael> Did you find the PEZ?
<Warmachine> nope
<BobIshmael> Did you even look?
<Warmachine> yup
<Raven-X> lol
<BobIshmael> Behind the grill, right?
<Warmachine> how did u nkwo i was thor
<BobIshmael> Magic.
<BobIshmael> I'm an eleet hacker.
<BobIshmael> Don't believe me?
<Warmachine> how does  ahacker work anyway
<BobIshmael> Do you want me to prove it?
<Warmachine> internet
<Warmachine> nope
<Warmachine> i believe uh
<BobIshmael> I don't think you do...
<Warmachine> wtas  PEZ nayway
<Warmachine> anyway
<BobIshmael> I can't tell you.
<Warmachine> then how cud i have taken the damm thing
<BobIshmael> By accident.
<Warmachine> ohh
<BobIshmael> Did you look at your 32bit BUS?
<Warmachine> where u from anyways
<BobIshmael> I'm from here.
*** Raven-x has quit IRC ((signed off))
<Warmachine> and wats deep13
<BobIshmael> It's a place where hackers hang out.
<Warmachine> hmm
*** Warmachine (Warmachine@203.116.122.114) has left #deep13

Epilouge:

As you can see, Thor is terrified of my "31337 h@ckIng" prowess (As he should be). Thor also still has no idea what PEZ is, and that's something I can't begin to understand.

As for our friend the "sniperman," he seems to have started acting like a rational semi-intelligent being. And to him, thanks for not freaking out upon seeing this page.